Does anyone else feel like a fake? A fraud? Do you look at how you are living and recognize the vast gulf between the ideal and the actual manner in which your life is being lived? Do you see that you are cruising mostly on cruise-control, being merely "good-enough" and not working or moving toward that perfection you shall find only in Christ? And that this gulf seems to grow wider and deeper the more you grow in your relationship with Him?
Maybe it's because I feel the pull of perfection, which is a painful pull because I am so far from perfect - and see more and more each day that I am even further away than I thought. For even though I want to surrender myself to Him Whom I Love, my habits, my selfishness, my attachments to this world and my place in it hold me back. I long so to be with Him RIGHT NOW!! I know He is with me, but I have yet to give myself fully over to Him.
O Lord, I do believe. Help my unbelief!
Do not reprove me in your anger, LORD,
nor punish me in your wrath.
Have pity on me, LORD, for I am weak;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are shuddering.
My soul too is shuddering greatly—
and you, LORD, how long…?
Turn back, LORD, rescue my soul;
save me because of your mercy.
For in death there is no remembrance of you.
Who praises you in Sheol? I am wearied with sighing;
all night long I drench my bed with tears;
I soak my couch with weeping.
My eyes are dimmed with sorrow,
worn out because of all my foes. Away from me, all who do evil!
The LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.
The LORD has heard my plea;
the LORD will receive my prayer.
My foes will all be disgraced and will shudder greatly;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.
Psalm 6
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