I can usually tell when there is a spiritual shift in the works - possibly in the works depending on my ability to make the shift - when I need more time in prayer, and the prayer that is needed is more on the side of contemplation/meditation. Emotions are not an indicator, if anything they detract from my spiritual life so I have to consciously ignore them. And I have to continually remember these words: "Do not be afraid."
And then come the questions I ask of God:
How do I place my trust in You?
How do I find release from my worldly attachments and cling only to You?
How do I know the difference between Your Will and the tricks of the Adversary?
I am so lost and don't know how to live placing You first in my life - how does living that way relate to every day life? to every day decisions?
What role does sin, our fallen nature, play in our fears? For even as I reach for You, even as I desire You, I fear that ultimate union.
If the Way were made clear before me, would I have the courage to follow?
Then the prayers:
Lord Jesus, I trust in You - help me to trust even more.
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
"Blessed be the Lord who schools me; late into the night my inmost thoughts chasten me." (Ps 15:7 - Knox Translation)
So much around me is not of You. Help me to stay motivated, help me to stay on the Path.
And then the doubt:
I am afraid, and fear I shall fail.
3 comments:
Funny enough, I also found myself dealing with some kind of "Easter Melancholy" today. As I've said previously, any release I have found or may find is totally contingent upon me putting my total trust on God, and it's tough figuring out tangible, practical, day-by-day implications of that attitude, indeed.
Consciously ignoring emotions is tricky, because they keep coming back for more, you know. What I found more useful is unmasking the cause that triggers them - very hard without a lot of humility and sometimes only after an exterior greatly unpleasant "incentive", (my case...). Now I'm able to say to myself "I'm feeling Z, but Z is not my problem, Z is a smokescreen that pops up whenever frustration X and limitation Y in my life become too overwhelming for me to address, and what only can deliver me from X and Y is my trust in God."
I've had an interesting experience that you may find worth giving a try. Only recently I've been adventuring myself into Adoration (you can see how religiously pedestrian I am...), and my second time was on last Good Friday. Realizing I had a full 3.5G signal in church, after going through the respective readings on my smartphone, I opened Ann Morill's essay that you know and read it/meditated on it (for the 5th time...!), only this time turning it into a sort of prayer, stopping at personally relevant parts to present petitions, etc.
P.S. The mother from the next post is in my prayers.
You always provide good advice! I do have to ignore emotions, because of other "issues" with which I am plagued. One day I may write about that, but I am currently not brave enough to do so. It does all come down to trust in God, either way I suppose. He has been slowly teaching me to trust Him, being ever so gentle. . . Until recently with this "dark night" where it seems I am being asked to take a small leap.
I've been wanting to do just what you have suggested with Ann Morril's essay. So I will make the time to do just that. Thanks for the little nudge, and the prayers for my former student are much appreciated.
Glad you liked te idea. I hope it's even more spiritually enriching for you than it was for me...imagine my mesmerized face going back and forth between my cell and the tabernacle, hoping that the people gathered at the relatively small parish hall didn't think I was on Facebook or something...
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