14th OT, Wednesday, Year II

"The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand."
"...break up for yourselves a new field, for it is time to seek the Lord."

Lord,
I seek your face. I desire your touch.  I long to kiss your feet.  Do not turn your face from me - I am yours; do with me as you will.  Show me the path, lead me to your holy place.  Keep me safe from the enemy - let not his words corrupt me.  For you are my God, my king, the one to whom I turn.  You are the joy of my life.  Show me the way, I will follow.  Show me the work, I will labor.  Remove from me my guilt, absolve me of my great sin; make me pure before you.  Test me and cleanse me with fire that I may be strong for the battle.  Teach me your ways so I can walk in your footsteps forever.
Amen.

St Anselm

"Teach me to seek you, and reveal yourself to me as I seek you; for unless you instruct me I cannot seek you, and unless you reveal yourself I cannot find you.  Let me seek you in desiring you; let me desire you in seeking you.  Let me find you in loving you; let me love you in finding you.
Amen."

Morning Reflection

Wk 13 in Ordinary Time, Friday, Year II

In your unfathomable mercy, hear me O Lord.  I am surrounded by those who do not know You.  They refuse Your Name.  I try to walk Your narrow path, but it is darkness all around.  Many dangers and traps are before me.  Protect me, my God.  I desire to see You - what will You have me do?  How shall I convert a heathen and Godless people?  My words are too soft, my example too quiet.  I am invisible, and those who do see me are blind toYou.  Guide me, show me; put Your Words in my mouth, Your Light into my heart.  Take not Your Word from me:  I hunger already for more!!  Feed me, Lord, give me strength, for I feel the battle looming.
Amen.

The Tent Caterpillar Dance

They are finally gone (for this year).  In the South, where I grew up, we had various and assorted insects and crawling/flying creatures.  "Red-neck" roaches, chiggers, horse flies, yellow flies...I could go on, but you get the idea.  My father worked for a chemical company, so we had a toxic arsenal at our fingertips.  I guess when we started seeing mutated roaches we should have wondered...but that's another story altogether! 

Here in this pristine slice of heaven, there is a scourge know as tent caterpillars.  http://gardening.wsu.edu/library/inse003/inse003.htm.  We had a pretty bad year, with some of my friends' apple trees being almost entirely de-foliated.  Our alders were pretty well covered, too.  They are mostly just annoying, but when they invaded my strawberry patch, war was declared!  I'm really not nearly as nice as people think I am :-).  Many died at my hands and feet.  Strawberries are worth fighting for!

So as I was walking under an alder one day, they fought back!  A gentle breeze, a clear sky ... and a dozen or so precious little caterpillars waiting to ambush.  They fell from the tree ("fell?" ... I think not! It was a premeditated attack!), and the dance began.  High impact, all major muscle groups working simultaneously:  sounds like a good way to exercise -- but not when the dance involves wriggling caterpillars in your hair and clothes.  Yes, there are vocalizations involved, too!  More perished - and I now look up warily when passing under trees. 

But they still can't have my strawberries!!

Ramblings on Today's Readings

Today I read  the daily readings (13th Week OT, Thursday, Year II) and decided to just write - maybe I"ll do this more regularly.  I never really know what I am going to write; usually my words come out as a prayer, sometimes as bad poetry, rarely as just prose.  My process is to read in prayer, say a quick prayer, and just put my pen to paper and see what comes of it.  Here is today's rambling:

Lord,
You have called us and we have not answered.  We have rebelled against your precepts and your very love.  Our hearts are hard.  Your prophets are not heard - they are unknown to us.  We spurn your Word and banish from our hearts all thought of you.  You chastise us, you warn us - we do not listen.  We have chosen other gods; we are our own gods, power and wealth are our gods.  Humble us O, Lord.  Bring us to our knees so that we may again see your face and feel your touch and listen to your Word.  We have banished all thought of you; we no longer have faith.  We prefer to live in the royal temple of our own making:  we deserve your wrath and our own exile.  But your law shall refresh us, you shall bring rejoicing to us once more.  Bring us courage, give us strength, show us how to know you again.  Remove the evil thoughts from our minds and command us to "rise and walk."  Give us the faith that we seem to have lost.  Fill us with your Love so that our hearts are overflowing.
Amen.

Eucharist, Prayer group Pt II

June 25, 2012 St Francis Prayer Group

V:  O God, come to my assistance.

R: Lord, make haste to help me

St. Padre Pio – Stay With Me Lord

Precious Lord, Take My Hand 702

Litany of the Holy Name of Jesus page 113 Treasures Holy & Mystical

O Sacrament Most Holy 325

Sharing?

Eucharist Continued:  More about the meal aspect

(from Bread of Life Cup of Salvation, John Baldovin, SJ)

(disclaimer:  one must always read the NT in light of the OT; consider that Christianity and Judaism are “siblings”, not parent-child; it is possible to claim Christianity as the older religion since Rabbinic Judaism did not come about until 70AD, BUT we must remember and re-affirm Jesus’ Judaism)

*Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, 47  (pg. 12)

*What does the NT tell us about how to celebrate the Eucharist?

            No detailed rules; St Paul, 1 Cor 11-12 assumes they already know how.

*Eating and drinking in the ancient world:

            -food and with whom you share it was very important

            -Ritual Purity (ritual impurity = inability to offer sacrifice at the Temple): touch,  

            under same roof, eat meal

            -Scarcity of Food: particularly meat – usually only shared after sacrifice;  “we

            need to remember that Jesus’ teaching and actions took place in a world of

            poverty where a banquet would be truly extravagant because people were hungry

            most of the time.” (18) and there was little separation btwn religious and social, so

            feasts would inevitably have a religious character.

            -Jewish meals were framed by formal blessings:  (1)recognize how God blesses

            people/things (“the Lord bless you and keep you….”; (2)God is blessed for

            something, to “bless God” – we adapt this notion: “Blessed are you, Lord God of

            all creation….”.  Pious Jews blessed God continually, morning, noon & night.

            “…nothing seems to be accessible to men and women unless God is blessed for it.

            There is a profound spirituality here and it lies at the basis of the Mass:  things are

            good and holy for us only when we put them in the proper perspective – when we

            recognize God as their source.” (19)

*Formal Jewish meals were framed by blessings:  first cup of wine – for bread broken and shared and the second cup of wine at the end of meal (cup of blessing), this most likely being the major blessing. (berakah – to bless).  “One cannot understand our Eucharistic prayers without recognizing that they have their origins in Jewish formulas of blessing and prayers of thanksgiving for favors that God has granted.” (19)

Take a look at the Last Supper narratives:

Matthew 26:26-29  (Palestinian tradition)

Mark 14: 22-25, Luke 22:15-20; 1Cor 11:23-26 (Antiochene tradition)

*was it a Passover meal?  (the evening of the first full moon of the first spring month of the year) – discrepancy among the Gospels: Mt, Mk, Lk all place the meal on the evening after the Passover lambs are slaughtered, but in John Jesus dies at the same time as the slaughter of the lambs – still debated! So it took place at the time of /atmosphere of the Passover: “For Christ, our paschal lamb, has been sacrificed.” (1Cor 5:7)

*Pray the Novena Sacramentum Caritatis, pg 14 Treasures Holy & Mystical (start Tuesday to end on July 4)

Mea Maxima Culpa

I have been trying to make it to confession on a regular basis.  Our little church does not have scheduled times for the sacrament, so even though I longed for the sacrament I did not receive it.  I now take a one hour ferry trip and then drive another hour just so I can received the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Nearly 3 years ago I returned to Mass.  For 7 months I did not receive Communion, because even though I asked two or three times the priest never had time for my confession.  To be fair, I was exceedingly shy about asking and probably didn't express my great need.  It was difficult for me, feeling the heavy weight on my soul and the guilt that accompanied the weight, to really press for confession from a priest who didn't seem to want to offer it.  In so many ways I didn't feel worthy of the sacrament, and without realizing it, our priest validated that feeling.

Even today, I stand in line, heart pounding and trying to stay put until it is my turn.  It takes great force of will to stand there and not bolt for the door.  Yes, I make an extra effort to receive the sacrament - but it frightens me every time.  Life experiences exacerabate the normal anxiety, and when I am in the confessional I feel exceptionally vulnerable.  I find that I am in a battle between the wall that threatens to shut down my feeling-heart and the fear that threatens to make me run - to find a way to just sit with the vulnerability is a difficult challenge.  I feel sorry for the priest each time, for I enter and then cannot speak for quite some time as I fight that unseen battle. After "bless me Father for I have sinned", I am struck mute!

But even though it is difficult, I find that this is part of the beauty of the sacrament.  For me, feeling that vulnerability reminds me of my ultimate dependence upon God.  If I can remember that the priest is acting in Persona Christi, then I can pour out my soul to the Lord; let my sins be washed away as part of the very act of accepting my vulnerability and offering that to Jesus.

Of course, in confession we are absolved of our sins, but isn't a big part of this accepting the fact that we are vulnerable?  That we can sit there and humble ourselves a little, reflecting on our faults and failings, and confessing our sincere sorrow for them to another person?  Firmly intending to make up for them, firmly intending to be better, and asking for God's grace in the understanding that we truly cannot do it by ourselves?

Eucharist, Week One

June 19, 2012 St. Francis Prayer Group

 V: O God, come to my assistance.

R: Lord, make haste to help me.

Sacramentum Caritatis

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the desolate pit,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.
Blessed is the man who makes
the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
to those who go astray after false gods!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God,,

your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
Were I to proclaim and tell of them,
they would be more than can be numbered.
Sacrifice and offering you do not desire;
but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering
you have not required.

Then I said, “Behold, I come;

in the roll of the book it is written of me;
I delight to do your will, O my God;
your law is written within my heart.”
I have told the glad news of deliverance
in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
as you know, O Lord.

I have not hidden your saving help within my heart,

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your mercy and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.
Do not, O Lord, withhold
your compassion from me,
let your mercy and your faithfulness
ever preserve me!

For evils have encompassed me

without number;
my iniquities have overtaken me,
till I cannot see;
they are more than the hairs of my head;
my heart fails me.
Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me!
O Lord, make haste to help me!

*****

Day One: Novena Sacramentum Caritatis
(From Treasures Holy & Mystical Fr. Philip Neri Powell, OP)
I.                   Opening Prayer
II.                Day One:  Christ Makes a gift of himself: Reading
III.             Meditation:  What do I find amazing in the Eucharist?  What wonders do I experience?  What does it mean for me to know Christ loves us “to the end”?
(take 10 minutes to meditate on these questions, come back and discuss)
IV.             Closing Prayer

:-) Homework: Using the book, Treasures Holy & Mystical, pray the Novena Sacramentum Caritatis. 

Shepherd of Souls

O Sacrament Most Holy

*****

Anything to share?

Food, Glorious Food (chapter 1: Bread of Life, Cup of Salvation by Baldovin)

“ Ever since Eve ate apples, much depends on dinner.”  -- Lord Byron

Eating: fundmental, without food – no life, without sharing food – not much significance in life

Why bother with the Eucharist? 
I believe in God – why can’t I practice my faith at home, in nature, doing service?  Why must I go to church week after week?
Easy answer:  Because Jesus told us to, at the Last Supper “do this in memory of me”
            (Jewish idea of memorial)

The Liturgy Constitution:

            From the liturgy, therefore, particularly the Eucharist, grace is poured forth upon us as from a fountain; the liturgy is the source for achieving in the most effective way possible human sanctification and God’s glorification, the end to which all the Church’s other activities are directed.

Mass is central to Christian living – goes right to the heart of what it is to be Christian

“For Catholics the Eucharist is not simply a way of worshipping God, it is the privileged means of experiencing the presence of Jesus Christ and participating in his work of redeeming the world.” (3)

From what did Jesus save the world?  Is there something about the human condition that needs saving?  (yes) We are trapped in a sinful condition and cannot be united to God through our own efforts.

We are more than our bodies; we have difficulty dealing with our limitations (need to eat, drink – grow old, die).  We know there is more than this, but we cannot escape our physicality:  we cannot escape this as we strive to be more.  Outside the body, there is no salvation.(3-4).  But we never consider enough to be enough – there has to be more.

Origin of sin centers around eating – cannot live without food, nor can we live without meaning.  This story combines eating and significance: they clearly have “enough”, but they want more, and they want it their way, not God’s – so they get more by eating what is not theirs to eat.  So, if eating is the form of the Fall  it is also the form of Redemption – the Eucharist is the powerful antidote to original sin, the antidote to the “apple” taken in Eden.

Could we define sin as: “a radical turning away from God and a turning in toward oneself in a desperate effort to achieve self-significance”? (5-6)  (selfishness….or better, self-centeredness)  We cannot let “God be God” – consider:  is this “first” sin deliberate disobedience? Or a sign of immaturity?

So humankind “grasped” at being like God, and Christ came to undo this.

See Phil 2:5-9

“If sin is grasping, then redemption is letting go.  If sin means symbolically grabbing at food, then redemption means sharing it and giving it away.” (6)  The reality of the Mass is seen in the process of divine self-emptying in ritual.

“Jesus makes himself literally the food of Christians. And so what is potentially the source of sin and self-centeredness becomes the source of reversing sin.” (7)

Eucharist (or Thanksgiving”) – sharing food and drink signifies the sharing of oneself just as Jesus did – important to remember Jesus gave not “something” but gave himself, and the only appropriate response is our own self-giving.

The “Eucharistic sacrifice” – there is difficulty in the idea of sacrifice – free self-sacrifice, for the sacrifice of Christ arose from his own freedom and the same needs to be true of us.  (Rom 12:1)

Jesus showed that true sacrifice is about offering oneself freely to God, others – in faith, hope, trust.

Shared ritual meal – antidote to selfishness: sharing and acceptance = true humanity; “communal sharing in the context of faith in God is the true source of joy.” (9)

Reflection questions:

1. What moves me or leaves me cold in the celebration of the Mass? Why?
2. What’s the connection between eating and drinking and the celebration of the Eucharist?
3. How does Jesus undo the sinfulness of the human condition?
4. How does the Mass relate to Jesus’ person and activity?

Intercessions, closing prayer

This is the outline of the prayer group meeting I facilitated on Monday, May 28, 2012, at St. Francis Catholic Church

L: O God, come to my assistance

R:  Lord, make haste to help me.

Sing:  The Breath of God (#10)

(Pause, silent reflection)

From “Novena via Sophia”, Treasures Holy and Mystical, Phillip Neri Powell, OP

“Hymn to Wisdom” (Please buy the book, as I do not have permission to publish his work)
(ADAPTED FROM JOB 28)

(Pause, silent reflection)

Sing:  Come, Holy Ghost (#16)

          Spirit of the Living God (#73)

Prayers of praise and thanksgiving.

Anything to share? 

Obedience

From: The Rule of St. Benedict, Chap. 5: On Obedience

“The first degree of humility is obedience without delay.
This is the virtue of those
who hold nothing dearer to them than Christ;
who, because of the holy service they have professed,
and the fear of hell,
and the glory of life everlasting,
as soon as anything has been ordered by the Superior,
receive it as a divine command
and cannot suffer any delay in executing it.
Of these the Lord says,
"As soon as he heard, he obeyed Me" (Ps. 17[18]:45).
And again to teachers He says,
"He who hears you, hears Me" (Luke 10:16).”
*Look first at humility – what is humility?

The Rule of St. Benedict, chapter 7: On Humility

“The first degree of humility, then,
is that a person keep the fear of God before his eyes
and beware of ever forgetting it.
Let him be ever mindful of all that God has commanded;
let his thoughts constantly recur
to the hell-fire which will burn for their sins
those who despise God,
and to the life everlasting which is prepared
for those who fear Him.
Let him keep himself at every moment from sins and vices,
whether of the mind, the tongue, the hands, the feet,
or the self-will,
and check also the desires of the flesh.”
*Do you need humility in order to be obedient?  Or, can you be truly obedient without being humble?

“Obedient unto Death” (chap. 6: Remember Jesus Christ, Raniero Cantalamessa, OFM Cap)

*we cannot grasp with our minds the whole of the Passion of Christ, but we can immerse ourselves in it – through the doorway of obedience.

Christ:

“became obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:8)

“by one man’s obedience, many will be made righteous” (Rom 5:19)

“he learned obedience through what he suffered, and being made perfect he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him” (Heb 5:8-9)

*Obedience is the key – it is what gave meaning and value to the story: it is his obedience unto death that has saved us:

1Sam 15:22:  “Does the Lord so delight in holocausts and sacrifices as in obedience to the command of the Lord? Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission than the fat of rams.”

It is true that in the case of Christ he also wanted sacrifice, and he also wants it from us; but, of the two, one is the means and the other is the goal.  God wants obedience for its own sake; he wants sacrifice only indirectly, as the sole condition that makes obedience possible and authentic.  It is in this sense that the Letter to the Hebrews says Christ “learned obedience through what he suffered” (5:8).  The passion was the test and the measure of his obedience.  (RJC, 104)

*The obedience of Christ is obedience to the Father, not to his parents/Mosaic Law/judgment of Sanhedrin or Pilate  (St Irenaeus, pg 104)

*for us, we can see obedience as obedience to God (“obedience of faith” Rom 1:5; to teaching Rom 6:17; to the gospel Rom 10:16 & Thes 1:8; to the truth Gal 5:7; to Christ 2Cor 10:5)

*BUT only if we believe in the actual Lordship of Christ over the Church are we able to understand the necessity and importance of obeying God

            - paying attention to God, who speaks through the Spirit

-spiritual obedience does not detract “from obedience to visible…authority but…renews it, strengthens it, and enlivens it to the point that obedience to people becomes the criterion for judging whether there is obedience to God or not, and if it is authentic.” (RJC, 108)

*in obeying God, we do his will – want the same things he wants, and fulfill our vocation to be “in his image and likeness”.
*Dante:  “In his will is our peace.”

The more one obeys, the more God’s commands multiply, because he knows that this is the most beautiful gift he can give us, the one he gave his beloved Son.  When God finds a soul determined to obey, he then takes that life in his hands….” (RJC, 109)

*God is leading you, indicating what you should do – always have a “listening ear” at prayer and at Mass.  “There is almost always a word that God personally directs to us, and the Spirit does not fail to make it be recognized as such.” (RJC, 110)

*nothing mystical or extraordinary:  “bringing questions to God” (Exodus 18:19).  We can all decide to do something on our own, then ask for a positive outcome – but:

If the love of obedience to God is alive in me, then I do things differently: first, I will ask God, by the simplest method of prayer, if it is his will that I take that trip or do that task, or make that visit or that purchase, and then I will do it or not, but in every case it will now be an act of obedience to God and no longer my own initiative.  (RJC, 113)

*”I need to consult my master first”  --- “I need to pray to know if this is what my Lord wants me to do.”

*obeying the circumstances, and see the silent but resolute will of God in them – endure them more peacefully

Intercessions

Response:  “May our deeds glorify your name, Lord”

Prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help

Closing Prayers

Flying Home

When you have listened in the silence of your heart, have you ever heard the call to "come home"?  When I was first on the road back to God, I did, and I was in a place that caused me to assume "come home" meant I would die soon.  Now, I know better, for I know where home is.  My soul still longs for wholeness, for union, for completeness which will only be found in Him and with Him.  I have moments where I feel that unity, but they are fleeting and I continue to struggle, to search, to seek, to pray, to write: 

The January geese are flying.
Their V interrupting my quiet dawn
of still air and red sky.
As second prayers make their way
from Heaven to lips to air
all I can remember
is how God loves each soul into existence:
holding, rocking, breathing His essence
with each kiss;
marking all with a desire for a fullness
which can only be found in Him.
So I close my eyes
and open my soul to Heaven's voice
filled this winters' day
with the cry
of those flying
in restless migration.

An experience of Matthew 14:17-21 (a Lectio Divina experience)

"All we have"...."they all ate and were satisfied."

If someone welcomes you, STAY with them.  If they open their door, accept their love.
Travel light so you are willing to accept what is offered and given to you.
Engage others, accept and give, from the openness of your heart, knowing you are fullest when you empty yourself of extra things.

Bless what you have -- it is enough and more.

Simplicity and acceptance, bring fulfillment and satisfaction.

"You shall my shield and fortress be, as long as life endures."

Jesus, sitting behind me -- it is OK to trust, it is also OK to be afraid and uncomfortable.  He took my hands in his, and just sat with me until I was able to relax.  He is with me always, and his angels watch over.

Metanoia (January 2011)

I knew you were there, but I chose not to see,
whispering inside my heart as I chose not to hear.

How our lives can take a turn
to open our eyes and ears
to the blinding light
and deafening sound

which all the time had been inside us.

Our own road to Damascus
in the desert of our hearts,
where the dry winds and arid land
deny your life-giving existence.

Awaken us to your love...to your light.
Call us so we may answer.
Lead us by the hand

back to you

who have been in our hearts all this time
without our knowing.

December 2010 - An Experience of Franciscan Prayer Style

Oh, Lord, open my soul, my heart, and let them be filled with you.  Allow me to be open to the workings of your Spirit, that I may know your will for me."

This prayer-style has brought out of me and intense, almost overbearing at times, feeling of longing, desiring, reaching.... What began as fear has transformed into desire - but desire for what?  Longing for what?  For what am I reaching?

Complete trust has always been difficult and challenging for me - in this prayer-style this trust is requisite.  In order to go beyond where I am, I must trust God, allow myself to be held by Him, let go of me and go to Him.

This is so intense and so hard.  I'm not sure I have the strength and courage to take that next step into what feels like a vast expanse of nothing.  Structure, rigidity, walls and floors keep me safe within them.  Familiar prayers, guidelines to follow, help me feel safe with my God.  To let them go, to leap, to fly, to trust that I will either fly or be caught brings up old fear as I struggle with my tightly bound feet to go to the light, the freedom, that can only be found with Trust In Him.

Fear not (from 12/2010)

So many times I am afraid to speak, I feel the familiar knot in my throat which holds all my passion and all my words inside of me.  It is the knot of fear.  I desire to trust you, Oh Lord, to truly believe and live under the words you say to me: "Fear not, for I am with you."  To know, beyond any doubt, that you have called me by name, that I am yours.  I long to trust these feelings, these feelings that you are always there no matter what, that I am precious to you and that you love me.  To trust that if I place myself in your hands, you will be there to catch me, that your love will support me and hold me and comfort me.  Your are my Lord, my God, my Savior...and that should be enough.