Desolation/Consolation

I was reading one of my favorite blogs (http://jimmcdermott.blogspot.com/) today, and the topic was "Waiting for Consolation".  The comments some people made to the piece prompted me to write on this topic. 

St Ignatius of Loyola defined Consolation as a time when "some interior movement in the soul is caused, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord....Likewise when it sheds tears that move to love of its Lord....<and> every increase of hope faith and charity, and all interior joy which calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one's soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord."  Desolation is seen as what is contrary to consolation, to wit:  "darkness of soul, disturbance of it, movement to things low and earthly, the unquiet of different agitations and temptations...without hope, without love, when one finds oneself all lazy, tepid, sad, and as if separated from his Creator and Lord."  (taken from The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola).

Haven't we all felt these?  Do we have a tendency toward one or the other?  Do we recognize when we are in feeling these?  What are our reactions, where do our thoughts lie, how do we change and feel when we are in desolation?  In consolation?   What riches can be found in both? 

Just this morning, I was taking  a shower thinking of all of this, and when I had finished and dried off, a tremendous feeling of love and joy pervaded my entire being.  I could not help but smile and look up and say a prayer of praise to my Creator and Lord.  Do we recognize these moments and fully embrace them, allowing them to inform our day and our life?  I know, for me, it seems easier to "wallow" in moments of desolation.  They encourage stasis, laziness and inward-ness.  On the other hand, moments of consolation encourage me to go outside of myself, to bring this Light to the world, to bask in the joy and love that is our Lord.  That takes effort and energy and a constant reminder to myself to stay in the light.  And if I let them, these joyful moments do indeed provide me with the energy to live fully and extend beyond my boundaries -- fully explore the edges of my existence. 

Both consolation and desolation are part of our human existence.  Didn't we hear from Jesus "Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy." ?(John 16: 20)  I think this is one way to look at these two aspects of our life, our spiritual life.  There will be pain, times of darkness, times of feeling lost and alone -- but if you can sit with the pain without reacting to it, without judging it, it will in time reveal a deep and lasting joy.  Acknowledging and letting the experience work through you strengthens you for all the other times of desolation which are surely to come, and give you an even greater sense of joy during moments of consolation.  We draw strength from our trials, courage from our weakness, love and joy from our times of confusion and abandonment.

I wrote this poem a while back, which came at a time when I was finally rising out of a period of desolation, a very dark and lonely time.  It reminds me that the Lord is always present, is always with me, even when I may not be able to feel His presence:

Even in Darkness

I searched
and He found me.
I turned my back
and He returned love.
I walked in the dark
not knowing He cleared my path.
I stood in the rain
while He held me and dried my tears.
I was alone and silent
and He whispered to me.
And when I was lost
He led me back home.

He called my name
and I cried when I heard His voice.
He breathed His Spirit upon me
and this wind warmed my soul.
He reached out His hands
and I fell into His arms.
He welcomed me back to Him
and I entered His door in joy.
He placed his hand upon my head
and I smiled at His touch.
He has never left me alone
and even in darkness I can now see His light.